Please disregard that death threat

From: Security <security@email.com>
To: Staff <staff@email.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 25, 2009 2:08:38 PM
Subject: Email scam

We have received several calls from employees regarding e-mails that were received earlier this morning. The e-mails involve death threats and extortion. They are related to a scam and should be disregarded. Corporate Security has already notified and forwarded copies to local law enforcement. If you have concerns or questions, feel free to contact our Investigations Unit.

.....................

Either our lab security has a badly-timed case of the wholly inappropriate April Fools, or I've been taking death threats much too seriously up until now.

Woman in elevator: Oh, yeah, I do it every year. That way, no one wanders into the kitchen and asks me what they can do to help. They just check the white board, choose a task, complete it, and cross it off.
Other woman in elevator: Wow, that sounds intense. And your family doesn't mind this... rigid... approach to Thanksgiving dinner?
Woman #1: Oh, no. They're all scientists. They appreciate the protocol.

Impasse

Binary block courtesy of Randall Munroe's BestThing

Does P(dementia) decrease with increasing nerdiness?

Boss: What are you doing?
Me: Calculating ANOVA by hand.
Boss: Can't you just use a computer for that?
Me: Yeah, but what if all of the computers in the world crap out, and I'm stuck here with this data and no way to determine if a true difference exists between groups?
Boss: That's an interesting way to prepare for an apocalypse.
Me: I try not to think of it as an exercise in futility so much as an exercise to prevent dementia.

"The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

- Chuck Klosterman
Via Cary Randolph

Rad roommate

I'm in the midst of exams, so I couldn't help Laura at all while she cooked and cleaned and readied our house for 40 of her closest friends (who knew we had so many chairs?). I also spent the party hours locked away in the library today, so it was especially sweet to return home brain-fried, bleary eyed, and starving, and find this present waiting for me on my desk.

Spread the meme

City Parking

Friend: I'm sorry, but I don't think I can make it over for dinner.
Me: That's OK.
Friend: I really want to, it's just...
Me: What?
Friend: Well, I seem to have lost my car.
Me: You lost your car? Do you think it's been towed? Or stolen?
Friend: I don't know. I just can't remember where I last saw it...
.....
Friend: (FIVE hours later via text) Found it!

"Why is it that poor people always get screwed?"

- Overheard @ the health dept.

Jeremy: ... Which is why I need to make online videos.
Kristin: Wow, we caught the wrong part of that conversation!
Me: What?
Kristin: Did you hear what he said?
Me: Something about making online potatoes?
Kristin: Haha! Online videos!
Me: Oh! Yes, that makes much more sense.

More stick figure inspiration from my internet crush, Randall Munroe of xkcd fame.

Last night, I dreamt of my grandfather. He was 10 feet tall, and I was a little girl, riding on his shoulders. And I'm sure it's very poetic, and I'm sure it means something tangible to someone trained, but to me it was just this. A girl. Her grandpa. And the whole world spread out below them.

Lynne: (Standing in a pile of Ikea shelving bones) That's how we do it. I build Rachel stuff, and she cooks me food.
Me: Oh, dear. Is that how it's supposed to work? Manual labor in exchange for food? Then I'm pretty sure I owe Veronica a house from scratch at this point.

Saturday night

Florida 24, South Carolina 14, brewing companies $$$

Fluffy Friday